10. Rear Admiral Sir George Cockburn

Listening to a Napoleon podcast, I had to stop and rewind and listen to be sure I heard this name right. Yes, he’s a real historical figure who was charged with bringing the captured Napoleon to England.

(And yes, Wikipedia does note that the Rear Admiral’s surname is pronounce more like ‘Coburn.’ But don’t spell it that way if you don’t want Napoleon scholars mispronouncing it.)

9. Mark Hunt

If you imagine someone with a New Zealand accent saying this name, then it’s not hard to imagine that a New Zealander with this name became Kickboxing Champion of the World. Make fun of Mark Hunt at your own risk. I mean, with muscles strong enough to crush an appendage in seconds, Mark Hunt is off limits. Don’t even touch Mark Hunt.

8. Charles L. Bitsch

French auteurist filmmaker Charles “Chuck” Bitsch was a compadre of better known and more-pretentiously-named filmmakers like Jean-Luc Godard and François Truffaut. One wonders whether he might’ve had a career like theirs if only he hadn’t gotten a reputation as a real son of a… gun.

7. Philip K. Dick

When you detach yourself from how you feel about his science fiction and just look at the name, you realize that he must’ve had an eff’d up childhood. Hence the eff’d up novels. ‘Phil,’ by the way, is a Greek root that means ‘love’ – so that makes fans of the author ‘Dickophiles.’ They prefer instead to call themselves ‘Dickheads.’

6. Wang Dong

While his name is not unfortunate in his native China, soccer player Wang Dong must have difficulty getting respect when he plays internationally. This hasn’t stopped Dong from scoring. China’s favorite Wang scores all the time. Here’s a YouTube video of him scoring in against Thailand.

5. Dick Hyman

Dick Hyman, a pianist (say that five times fast), could’ve opted to go by Richard. But he embraced his inner Dick and has had a successful career. Let’s look at the biography on his website (all true but emphasis added):

Dick Hyman has functioned as pianist, organist, arranger, music director, and composer. His versatility in all of these areas has resulted in film scores, orchestral compositions, concert appearances and well over 100 albums recorded under his own name. While developing a masterful facility for improvisation in his own piano style, Mr. Hyman has also investigated ragtime and the earliest periods of jazz.

4. Harry Patch

Though he may not be for long, Harry Patch, is the second-oldest man in the UK. He’s totaled 110 years of being a Harry Patch. Along the way there were many events that might’ve shaved off years of Harry Patch’s life — growing up poor in a place called Combe Down (really); untangling himself from razor wire in the First World War; or just generally working as a plumber, which exposed Harry Patch’s talents in ways you might not predict. According to the BBC, “In 2004, Gaymer Cider Company brought out 106 bottles of Patch Pride as a tribute for each year of Harry’s life.”  We should all be Gaymer enough to celebrate the Harry Patches of the world.

3. Hieronymus Cock

You’ve heard of Hieronymus Bosch. But there was also a Flemish painter and engraver named Hieronymus Cock. The engravings of Cock were mostly knockoffs of Bosch and Breugel, but Cock achieved notoriety in Antwerp by working closely with such writers as Dirck Coornhert.  Apparently Dirck and Cock had a vigorous back-and-forth and give-and-take, or at least it says so in the Annals Coornhert.

(Speaking of Low Country artists, here’s a tan-genital-ly related fact: the Dutch pronunciation of Vincent Van Gogh’s name sounds like ‘Vincent Van Cock.’)

2. Dick Swett

A U.S. Congressman for only two terms, Representative Dick Swett was proud to represent the Granite state of New Hampshire. Maybe because his rock hard state has a “humid continental climate,” Dick Swett accepted a position as the U.S. Ambassador to Denmark.

Swett left his mark on fabrics when he awarded, as part of the board of Architecture for Humanity, a prize to a “lightweight, self-sustaining, container-sized unit … whose design employs traditional African textiles as sunshades.” I can just imagine Dick Swett in such a container-sized unit. Let’s hope the Danes appreciate us giving them Dick Swett!

1. Hymen Lipman

Hymen Lipman may not be as famous as other names on this list, but he really should be. A 19th-century American inventor, his main claim to fame is being the first person to attach an eraser to a pencil. Really.

While I think it was a true stroke of genius, the U.S. Supreme Court eventually tore into Hymen, saying it wasn’t a legit invention, since it didn’t do anything new. You’d think a decision like that would’ve busted Hymen pretty good, but he had already popped his cherry, so to speak, by selling the patent to a man named (really) Reckendorfer — for the then (1862) ungodly sum of $100,000.

After that, nothing is known about Hymen Lipman. Apparently, he took the money and split.

Images source: Wikipedia