Tastes Funny » jokes

Forget the Apple iPad, Get a Microsoft Tampon

John — Sun, 28 Nov 2010 15:50:24 +0000

From Los Angeles-based lady sketch group ArthurORMarthA…

There’s been a lot of jokes along these lines before. There’s the MADTV sketch. OMFGJohn has a whole rundown of the ones that have gone around…

Even when it’s been out this long, I guess the flow of iPad jokes just doesn’t stop.

Steve Martin’s 2001 Oscars Monologue

John — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 01:38:04 +0000

A little flashback to see if he’ll repeat himself when he hosts again this year (with Alec Baldwin). Embedding disabled (nice use of social media, Academy!) so you’ll have to click through to YouTube to see it.

The statue joke at the beginning is referencing this, by the way.

Some of my favorite jokes here:

Please hold your applause until it’s for me.

Let’s see, how are we doing on time? Oh, we’ve got five hours.

The movies are too violent. I took a nine-year-old kid to see Gladiator and he cried through the entire thing. Maybe it was because he didn’t know who I was.

If you’re looking for an Oscars liveblog, may we recommend the one at Making the Movie.

In Memoriam: The Top Ten Michael Jackson Jokes

Alex — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 14:45:17 +0000

Q: What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A: One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in.

[funnyandjokes.com]
I just bought a new car stereo… When you shout out “Soul”, it plays soul music. When you shout out “Rock”, it plays rock music. Some kids ran in front of my car, and I shouted “fucking kids!” and it played Michael Jackson.
[williambader.com]
Did you hear about Michael Jackson’s toaster? The bread goes in brown, and comes out white.
[djron.com]
Q: What child’s game does Michael NOT allow to be played at his Neverland ranch?
A: Got your nose! Put it back!

[101funjokes.com]
Q: How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A: From a catalogue.

[funnyandjokes.com]
Q: How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Michael Jackson only screws little boys!

[williambader.com]
Q: What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley?
A: About two dress sizes!

[101funjokes.com]
Q: Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds?
A: Because there are twenty of them.

[funnyandjokes.com]
Q: What do you call Michael Jackson, with no money?
A: Tito.

[williambader.com]
BREAKING NEWS… NEW EVIDENCE HAS ARISEN THAT MICHAEL JACKSON DID NOT DIE OF CARDIAC ARREST… HE ACTUALLY DIED OF FOOD POISONING… HE ATE 12 YEAR OLD NUTS.
[deadmichaeljacksonjokes.com]

Too soon?