Archive for the ‘tastes funny originals’ Category

Tron Trailer Mashups with Captain Ron

TRON isn’t the only movie that’s getting a “Legacy” sequel. In 1992, Captain Ron, starring Martin Short and Kurt Russell, disappointed at the box office. Now, revisited in 2010, we can see that it was a film which was well ahead of its time. It is time to return to the Caribbean with CAPT.RON: LEGACY.

Tastes Funny created this video completely originally. It isn’t the only TRON mashup that’s floating around, but we think it’s the best. Big thanks to GU for help with the graphics. If you see any sweet graphics in there, that’s him!

Here’s a literal version of the TRON: Legacy trailer, for comparison:

This TRONified modern times was created by Vimeo user Nick Tierce.

And then South Park had their own TRON parody — of course.

Watch Natural Victims Now!

It’s here! Natural Victims, a comedy about two best friends destroying their friendship over a girl, all while being lost in Griffith Park when a serial killer is on the loose, is now ready for viewing.

We’re trying to get a nice HD version that can be watched full screen up soon, but in the meantime, enjoy a somewhat okay streaming Quicktime here.

Model Day 2009

This just posted to the YouTubes! By my pal David Brundige. Check out his other stuff at Ridge Pictures.

A Recipe for the Devil

Begin with what?
Brussels from Pepperidge Farm.  Begin with a baker's soul.

Image courtesy Erich Eilenberger.

Master Killer Resume

I was applying for a job at NBC via an online program that uploaded my resume then scanned the contents and generated a list of past experience. Little did I realize it was looking past my resume and scanning my soul.

Assistant to the Executive Producer; Master; Killer - Headings on an Auto-generated Resume

  • Assistant to the Executive Producer
  • Master
  • Killer

Image Copyright Erich Eilenberger 2009. Posted with permission.

How To Get Out Of Jury Duty

TastesFunny.net presents…

"How To Get Out of Jury Duty"

7 Proven Strategies

demonstrated by Master Public Service Avoider Tony Alfieri


Link to YouTube version for iPhone loozerz.

Dramatization? Really?

So if this medicine doesn’t cure GTBH (Giant Teddy Bear Head), how do I cure that?
Dramatization

A Portrait of the Artist as an Auto Mechanic

I saw this business card in an auto parts store in New Jersey. I guess the publishing industry really is going downhill.

James Joyce, Assistant Manager, Advance Auto Parts

Advance Auto Parts
James Joyce
Assistant Manager

Image Copyright Erich Eilenberger 2009. Posted with permission.

Racist Bleach Pen Advocates Pro-Segregation Agenda

Clorox Bleach Pen - For Whites Only
With the election of Barack Obama, I thought that we had turned a corner in regards to race relations in America. Then I happened to spill some tomato sauce on a white shirt.

This lead to my unsuspecting purchase of a Clorox Bleach Pen. It was not until getting said bleach pen home that I caught the explicit notice on the front of the packaging.

“The Stain Remover for Whites,” eh? What’s next, Clorox, separate water fountains? Can our president not use this bleach pen? I thought we’d come so far…

For shame, Clorox, for shame.

Essay: What Women Want

There’s been a very popular article on the New York Times website this week about female lust. It describes an experiment conducted by psychology professor Meredith Chivers. She showed men and women — gay and straight — clips of bonobo apes having sex:

To the same subjects, she also showed clips of heterosexual sex, male and female homosexual sex, a man masturbating, a woman masturbating, a chiseled man walking naked on a beach and a well-toned woman doing calisthenics in the nude.

While the subjects watched on a computer screen, Chivers, who favors high boots and fashionable rectangular glasses, measured their arousal in two ways, objectively and subjectively. The participants sat in a brown leatherette La-Z-Boy chair in her small lab at the Center for Addiction and Mental Health… The genitals of the volunteers were connected to plethysmographs — for the men, an apparatus that fits over the penis and gauges its swelling; for the women, a little plastic probe that sits in the vagina and, by bouncing light off the vaginal walls, measures genital blood flow. … The participants were also given a keypad so that they could rate how aroused they felt.

Ignore, for the moment, what sort of subjects volunteer for wearing a genital blood-pressure cuff while watching porn. You can see what the point of the study is — to measure what we think turns us on vs. what actually turns us on. Men, unsurprisingly, were completely transparent.

The men, on average, responded genitally in what Chivers terms “category specific” ways. Males who identified themselves as straight swelled while gazing at heterosexual or lesbian sex and while watching the masturbating and exercising women. They were mostly unmoved when the screen displayed only men. Gay males were aroused in the opposite categorical pattern. Any expectation that the animal sex would speak to something primitive within the men seemed to be mistaken; neither straights nor gays were stirred by the bonobos. And for the male participants, the subjective ratings on the keypad matched the readings of the plethysmograph. The men’s minds and genitals were in agreement.

All was different with the women. No matter what their self-proclaimed sexual orientation, they showed, on the whole, strong and swift genital arousal when the screen offered men with men, women with women and women with men. They responded objectively much more to the exercising woman than to the strolling man, and their blood flow rose quickly — and markedly, though to a lesser degree than during all the human scenes except the footage of the ambling, strapping man — as they watched the apes. And with the women, especially the straight women, mind and genitals seemed scarcely to belong to the same person. The readings from the plethysmograph and the keypad weren’t in much accord. During shots of lesbian coupling, heterosexual women reported less excitement than their vaginas indicated; watching gay men, they reported a great deal less; and viewing heterosexual intercourse, they reported much more. Among the lesbian volunteers, the two readings converged when women appeared on the screen. But when the films featured only men, the lesbians reported less engagement than the plethysmograph recorded. Whether straight or gay, the women claimed almost no arousal whatsoever while staring at the bonobos.

Why did women get aroused no matter what image was on the screen? Chivers says she feels like a pioneer at the edge of a great forest. The Times article devotes pages to discussing this “great question that has never been answered.” I think the question was already answered, if you read carefully.

What do women want?

…a little plastic probe that sits in the vagina…

Of course they were turned on by everything. They were sitting on a dildo!

Little Known Facts: A Tastes Funny Random Generator

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Funniest iPhone App Reviews

Apple has recently closed a loophole that allowed people to comment on iPhone applications even when they haven’t bought the program. As with Amazon’s Tuscan milk reviews, this has lead to a number of hilarious fake reviews and some bizarrely earnest ones. A selection of our favorites…

1. TouchScan: “It works and ended my marriage”

2. Koi Pond: “Smoke marijuana before use”
I am high and it sounds really awesome

3. Shekar Yadav haters: “The developer’s a tool.”


4. WritingPad: “Every time I tried writing my name Shaun, it changed it to Satan.”

5. Constitution for iPhone and iPod Touch: “I give it 3/5 stars. That’s a good compromise, right?

(History tip: The three fifths compromise in the constitution declared freed slaves and Native Americans would be counted as 3/5 of a person.)

Add links to your favorite funny app reviews in the comments below!

Proof that Elvis was a Cracker

Elvis is a Cracker

Compare:

Redundancy University T-Shirt


Get this design on a t-shirt or other useful product.

3rd Presidential Debate: F*ck Joe the Plumber

You know what? I don’t give a flying bat’s guano pie about Joe the Plumber. He may know about shit in pipes but he doesn’t know shit about politics.

Women's T-shirt with a F*ck Joe the Plumber design with a strategically placed plunger

Joe, by the way, makes well under the $250,000/yr cutoff for Obama’s proposed tax increases. His taxes wouldn’t go up under Obama’s plan. Conclusion: He’s an idiot. F*ck him.

Bailout 08 Shirts

New at the Tastes Funny Store:




They Charge A Lot

They Charge A Lot

They charge a lot at SoHo stores
but trust-fund girls and fashion whores
can’t wait to buy them out of stock.
To purchase (sixty bucks a sock!)
French-label made-in-Singapores,

designer jeans and pinafores–
the shoppers south of Houston flock
with plastic; swiping into hock,
they charge a lot.

Waists thin as sapling sycamores,
they cluster at the merchants’ doors
to be the first, at ten o’clock,
to burst inside and buy amok.
Like bulls at red-tagged matadors,
they charge a lot.

Pwned! T-shirt


Get this design on a t-shirt at the Tastes Funny Store.

P in the V Demo

MC Wheel gives a preview of his latest rhyme. Hope to have more to come with more production value.

(P in the V YouTube link – for iPhone users.)

Observation: The Surge is the Iraq War’s Comb-over

John McCain and his silky white helmet of hair, like a napkin draped by angels

John McCain and his silky white helmet of hair, like a napkin draped by angels

Watching John McCain talk about The Surge last night on the debate, it occurred to me that, whether or not it’s a strategy or a tactic, it is a comb-over of the essential baldness of the problems in Iraq. Come to think of it, The Bailout is The Surge of the financial crisis.

Obama, cool as a cucumber, telling the nation he will eat their children

Obama, cool as a cucumber, telling the nation he will eat their children

To give equal time to the hair of the opposition, Obama’s five o’clock moustache was like that thing about Grandma’s face that horrifies you but you can’t look away. McCain may not know how to use the internet, but at least he knows how to use a Schick Quattro. The debate lighting not only didn’t bleach Obama’s stache, it made his eyes look racoonish. I don’t want to say Obama looked like a D.W. Griffith silent movie villain, but there was a certain dastardly or nefarious quality there. Of course, there’s no history of racial prejudice at Ole Miss which would lead you to suspect the poor lighting was intentional.

Oh, wait…

James Meredith, 1962

James Meredith, 1962