If you’re out there and undecided and haven’t made up your mind yet, nothing will make up your mind.
“Well, Charlie,” they say, “I’ve gone back and forth on the issues and whatnot, but I just can’t seem to make up my mind!” Some insist that there’s very little difference between candidate A and candidate B. Others claim that they’re with A on defense and health care but are leaning toward B when it comes to the economy.
I look at these people and can’t quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention?
To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”
I’m not really sure what point the Simpsons people are trying to make other than ‘don’t trust voting machines.’ Anyway, worth it for the final, graphically disturbing image.
A Yankees fan experiences a moment of introspection.
This girl seems to really get into it.
Best line: I just deregulated in my pants.
From the fine selection of election Yo Mama jokes on Twitter:
loresjoberg: @anildash Yo mama so slutty, even the McCain campaign won’t pull out of her.FakeSarahPalin: Oh yeah @AnilDash? Yo mama’s so fat, she stood on the Democratic Party platform _and broke it_. SHAZAM–PALIN STYLE!
browniepoints: retweet @AnilDash your mama so stupid she tried to arrange the genres on her iPod to put Country First
jerryyeti: @anildash Yo mama’s so fat that the overhead projector Obama earmarked thinks she’s a planet.martingruner: @anildash Yo mama so fat, when Putin rears his head, he comes into HER airspace.
loresjoberg: @anildash Yo mama so fat, polls are weighted 1% Democrat, 1% Republican, and 98% yo mama.
mathowie: @anildash yo mama so stupid she took her map back to the store because it didn’t show where “real America” was
loresjoberg: @anildash Yo mama so fat, she authorized a $700 billion bailout of Dairy Queen.
loresjoberg: @anildash Yo mama so fat, her other biography is called “The Audacity of Hardee’s”
loresjoberg: @anildash Yo mama so fat, the only Supreme Court verdict she wants to overturn is HomeTown Buffet v. Yo Mama.
loresjoberg: @anildash Yo mama so fat, she got an endorsement from General Mills.
loresjoberg: @anildash Yo mama’s so fat, she started her political career in Ayers’ kitchen and never left.
[Via bb]
Elliott Kalan of Metro is looking on the bright side:
Apparently the United States is having an economic collapse. The Stock market is approaching negative numbers, meaning things you already own will start disappearing. The Treasury Secretary has even downgraded the economy from “stable” to “in a pickle”. It’s reminding many of the Great Depression, when an impoverished U.S. split into warring tribes and could only be reunited when FDR predicted a solar eclipse, thus convincing America he was a wizard who could appease the money gods. But don’t let that depress you too much, because financial catastrophe doesn’t have to be all bad. Even the death-cloud hanging over America has a silver lining.For one thing, the social security crisis is now solved. Experts warned that the retirement of the baby-boom generation would overwhelm the creaky social security system, forcing America to execute anyone over 55 to ease the country’s entitlements burden. Luckily, that nightmare world won’t come to pass, because nobody will ever be able to retire again. As Americans continue working into their 90s and early 100s, the government will save billions that would have been otherwise wasted on medicine and bifocals, but can now be more practically spent to bail-out poorly managed investment banks.
. . .
Best of all, a total collapse will mean total unemployment. Then, without jobs to tie us down, the entire population can live the free life, which will be good since we won’t be able to afford any life that isn’t free. We’ll all be shoeless, banjo-slinging, happy-go-lucky vagabonds casting off the soul-crushing, materialistic, conformist society that once imprisoned us, enjoying each day for the simple blessings it brings. And when we’re tired of that and want to be rich again, we can escape poverty by writing a best-selling multivolume fantasy series, just like J.K.Rowling did! This whole crisis is going to turn out great.
The untold story behind the writing of the song “Footloose.”
Wow. Not to flog Palin but this is too funny not to post.
MORE PALIN ON TASTESFUNNY:
Interactive Palin
Sarah Palin T-Shirts (Thanks, But No Thanks; Palinocchio)
10 Things Sarah Palin Has Sold on E-Bay
For those who can’t get enough Palin mocking, head on over to palinaspresident.com. You’ll find an interactive Oval Office. Click around.
My favorite detail is the baby name dart board.
You know what? I don’t give a flying bat’s guano pie about Joe the Plumber. He may know about shit in pipes but he doesn’t know shit about politics.
Joe, by the way, makes well under the $250,000/yr cutoff for Obama’s proposed tax increases. His taxes wouldn’t go up under Obama’s plan. Conclusion: He’s an idiot. F*ck him.
NSFW Warning
