This guy’s lung capacity suggests he could use some universal health care. And I think he might’ve benefited from an education system that provided a bit more information on impeachment, or, to put it in his own idiolect, imfornation om inpeachment.

If you can get through all the excruciating pauses in this video, you’ll hear such classic lines of political argument as, “I’m proud to be a f*cking American,” and, “[Obama] is a n*gger-slash-Jew,” and, “I don’t know if a monkey dips, but I’d give him a dip,” and, “If I was f*cking President, I’d make everything legal. Everything!” (a wry Kat Williams reference?) and, “Rebel flag, all the way. And half-American flag.”

Wow, these mashups happen fast!

The one thing the Daily Show doesn’t mention is that torture doesn’t produce reliable intelligence anyway, which has always been the biggest irony of this whole thing.

Is it an accident that, since this aired, Obama is thinking maybe some people will be prosecuted after all?

UPDATE: Legofesto has been trying to get the word out for years…

Obama, on his visit to England, gave the Queen an iPod. Check out the special applications he had installed.

[Via blaisenutter]

This is an ad for Sanyo cameras but I still like it. If only as an attempt to start a ridiculous trend.

Reader GU showed me this one and I nearly broke my mouth laughing. The designer of this is Mike Rosulek and he’s selling in on t-shirts and stuff to raise money for a science charity.

Another erudite Metro column from Elliott Kalan:

Remember a few months ago, when the economy broke, and then we gave a lot of money to the guys who broke it? Turns out, that didn’t work. So to make things better, Barack Obama has introduced an $819 billion economic package he says will create 3.6 million jobs, or to put it another way: Panama. It’s a massive spending plan following in the footsteps of such celebrated federal work projects as the New Deal, the interstate highway, and JFK’s $400 million Tunnel to the Moon.

Before Obama can do anything, though, Congress must approve the plan, currently endangered by the few surviving Republican nests in the Capitol. Apparently when Obama defeated them politically, he failed to exterminate their egg-laying queen. The Republicans are unhappy that this so-called “job creation” bill doesn’t actually create any real jobs, aside from teachers, policemen, scientists, doctors, salesmen, architects, engineers, garbage men, factory workers, construction workers, office workers and birthday clowns. Plus, they feel Obama’s not cutting enough taxes by only cutting “many” of them.

. . .

Will that stop the bill from passing? Probably not. The Republicans are a withered remnant, an evolutionary throwback atrophying into nonexistence, like the human tailbone. But when they join the Whigs in America’s political graveyard they can still be proud that up to the very end, whatever the other side suggested, regardless of substance or likely effect, they had the guts to say “no.”

–Metro: No Means Maybe

If you like this, you might like the Stimulus Payment t-shirt design.

Metro columnist Elliott Kalan on Obama’s next step:

Obama’s biggest priority during the transition is choosing a cabinet. He’ll probably get one from Crate & Barrel, a step up from the cheap Ikea stuff the Senate uses. Even more crucially, however, he needs to choose a “Cabinet” of close advisors, including the secretaries of state, defense, television and sunshine. Traditionally, presidents slowly and carefully select Cabinet officers. Harry Truman famously delayed picking his postmaster general until 1973, a year after his death. Nonetheless, Obama is being pressured to choose right away. And as America has learned, the best way to make a decision is to rush through it as quickly as possible.

–The Obama Cabinet: Some Assembly Required

Elliot Kalan’s weekly column:

Last week, Barack Obama hope-surfed his way into the White House, utterly destroying John McCain in a way that should be illegal to do to an old man. His flawless campaign, movie star looks and air of fairy-tale magic have led America to expect he can do anything. In the public imagination he’s a cross between George Washington, Merlin and Mr. T. Of course, these are probably unrealistically high expectations for him to live up to. But are they unrealistically high enough to ensure a successful Obama presidency? Possibly not.

Disappointment has long been America’s curse. What do you expect from a country whose constitution includes the phrase “more perfect?”

- Obama expectations: far too low? – Metro

Colson Whitehead, skinny black man, is overjoyed:

Like many Americans, I first saw Barack Obama at the 2004 Democratic convention. I remember telling my wife excitedly, “This guy is probably stuffed after a cup of minestrone!”

. . .

What else can we expect from a Skinny Black Guy White House? (I never thought I’d live to write those words!) We’ll turn the corner, or close the menu, as we like to say, on the war on terrorism. The time may come to sit down at the (under-catered) table with the Taliban. The president-elect has a lot in common with these guys. No, not that. It’s hard to get good takeout in the caves of Tora Bora, so you know they’re pretty lean by now. Nothing breaks the ice like, “Is that my stomach growling, or yours?”

There’s a lot of work to be done to get America back on track. There won’t be time for full meals, just light snacking. No problem. With the economy tanking, we’ll to have to tighten our belts. Again, no prob. When Skinny Black Guys say, “I’ll just have the Cobb salad,” it’s not a calorie thing. We’re cheap. It’ll come in handy when cutting the fat out of the budget in time for beach season.

- New York Times: Finally a Thin President

I’m not really sure what point the Simpsons people are trying to make other than ‘don’t trust voting machines.’ Anyway, worth it for the final, graphically disturbing image.

UPDATE: John McCain likes pie too!

You know what? I don’t give a flying bat’s guano pie about Joe the Plumber. He may know about shit in pipes but he doesn’t know shit about politics.

Joe, by the way, makes well under the $250,000/yr cutoff for Obama’s proposed tax increases. His taxes wouldn’t go up under Obama’s plan. Conclusion: He’s an idiot. F*ck him.